I'm worried about my brain
and I'm worried about my heart. I'm worried about every part of me that has anything to do with who I am. Something has happened. Something that I nor anyone who has known me over the last 30 years could ever have anticipated. I know for a fact that the things you worry about the most never happen and that the bad things that happen are things that you never ever would have imagined. But the unimaginable has happened to me. The unimaginable has me in its grasp.
I don't know what to do about it. I can't eat (unimaginable in itself). I can't sit still. I can't read. I can't watch TV. I could hardly work out this morning. I can't think about anything else. I've picked my phone up a thousand times to reach out and touch someone. Someone who cares. Someone who can help me with this - this THING. I can't make my self press dial. My feet are fidgeting anxiously as I sit at the computer. I can hardly type. My stomach is in knots. I might vomit.
I need help. An intervention may be in my future. I may have to go to some type of 12-step program.
My name is Karen and...
I WANT TO PAINT MY LIVING AND DINING ROOM WHITE.
I must pause now - to catch my breath.
You have seen bits and pieces of my dining room,
my living room,
my dressing room,
|an attempt at a lighter color and I don't even LIKE it!|
my guest room....
Prior to this house I lived in an 6 room house that was painted with 13 colors named things like Barn, Mandarin, Frog, Bosc Pear, Purest Black, Pear, Yolk, Lilac... My bedroom was a coral/rose/white fresco finish like you might find on the streets of Venice. The entryway and adjacent stairwall were painted meticulously in zebra stripes. I had blackboard walls before blackboard walls were cool. I painted a friends kitchen with gorgeous deep raspberry walls.....
My love for colored walls pre-dates Trading Spaces, HGTV, and The Painted House, I'm not talking pastels here. I don't recall ever having a "tint" or "hint" of color. That is not my style. The color doesn't have to be dark, just saturated - and ALWAYS a TONE (meaning in my understanding that the true color is altered by grey, not white like a tint).
Which brings me back to my own discontent. Could this desire for a white room(s) be a passing fancy? Could it just be blogger-white-itis? What else could it be?
I know my daughter is thinking "who is writing this post and what have you done with my mother!"
What do I do? Can someone help me find my way???????
I must go lie down.
H e l p !