I've had this post open ready to write for over a week.
Yet, I find that I'm not sure what to say.
I'm having a hip replacement next Monday.
That's February 8.
I think the reason that I don't know what to say is that deep down,
deep deep down,
deep deep deep deep deep deep deep . . .
Deep down, I'm putting a lot of stock in this little hip replacement.
I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart.
— Vincent Van Gogh
I want my life back.
I want to be able to take long walks outdoors again. (heck, a walk outdoors period would be nice)
I want to be happy to garden again.
I want to be able to keep up when I'm shopping with someone.
I want to not feel exhausted all the time.
I want to be able to walk age appropriately - as in not like a 85 year old. (sorry if your over 85)
I want my body back.
I want back all the physical, emotional, and spiritual energy I used to have.
Losing that energy actually hurts more than the hip itself.
You know that story about the frog that eventually dies in boiling water, because he started out in cool, comfortable water that oh so slowly got warmer and warmer and then finally hotter and hotter, but by then he couldn't do anything about it because he was cooked. Life as he knew it was over.
That's what I feel like.
I'm hopping out
I know it will suck really bad for a while.
Please cross all your fingers for me.
That my body will be strong.
That my surgeon will be genius.
That I will react well to the suck.
That I will be courageous!
And for now, that I make it through the next 7 days without anti-inflamatories without chewing somebody's head off.
See you again soon!